I’m not OK, this I know now. I thought I was but after careful thought and events, I lost some key aspects of me that makes me different. Some compromises pondered have changed certain perspective I have. I was in a routine job exploratory interview and somehow the headhunter noticed that I was not that passionately interested with the offer. If we move a few minutes earlier, I was in fact trying to decompress some thoughts totally not related with the interview. I did get shortlisted but I just declined the opportunity since it may not be the right time.
Along the way, I somehow lost my passion in some of the things I do and even if I can still get things done, I am still bothered since being passionate in the things I do has been one of my edge. If I can’t give it a 100%, I’d rather not give it at all. A former mentor of mine once told that if you do things with passion, you could never fail. Maybe that’s how I get to surpass those impossible situations before. Well, I guess there are steps to be taken, stories to be re-written, and chapters to be closed.
That’s the thing about emotions, we can ignore them for all we want but it will eventually catch up and maybe the best resolution is just letting the emotions set in, good or bad, and build up from that point on. There are some wounds to be healed and ties to be repaired but it has to start real soon. I guess it may not be time for new beginnings and I again find myself in an interlude, undecided to take baby steps forwards or try to resolve the present or maybe both.
I hate being stuck in this interlude but I do hope I get back to being OK and the other significant aspect of who I am is I try to be as positive as I can so I’ll be OK soon and even if I don’t know when, I know I will be. That’s all that matters as of now.
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